You said I hate happiness? Because that’s what sprinkles are?
Well I have words for you about sprinkles/jimmies/whatever.
- They have no taste (to me at least).
- They get literally everywhere. Have you ever spilled sprinkles? It pretty much makes you want to give up on life.
- They have a unhealthily long shelf life (anywhere between 1-5 years, depending. That’s weird.)
- They add crunch to what should be a smooth, creamy dessert otherwise. Unless you’re into that sort of thing. I had braces for nine years, so crunchy is still a work-in-progress.
- Have you ever met someone who refused to eat anything but rainbow sprinkles? And then throws chocolate sprinkles everywhere when they aren’t multi-colored? That’s embarrassing. If you are in public when this happens, tip extra.
- After about two days the colors of rainbow sprinkles can actually discolor your frosting. It makes them look old and gross when they’re totally not. How sad is that?
- Who came up with the name anyway? I mean I get it, you’re doing the action of “sprinkling” them… I feel like this is a Jim Gaffigan joke waiting to happen.
- They never stick to what you’re making. Every time I pour sprinkles on anything other than ice cream, they just roll off and onto my counters and floor for my cats to bat under my fridge and then I whine.
- I’m probably the only person in the world who doesn’t like funfetti cake, because it reminds me of sprinkles and there’s really no difference in taste. It’s just more colorful.
- Sprinkles feel so feminine to me. I feel like any time I use them I should actually just be putting glitter on my cakes, and also be wearing a 50’s housewife outfit. I don’t think I can make that commitment, mostly because I don’t have the wardrobe or hairspray for it.
Want to weigh in? Why do you love or hate sprinkles?