10 Reasons I hate sprinkles.

What’s that?
You said I hate happiness? Because that’s what sprinkles are?

Well I have words for you about sprinkles/jimmies/whatever.

  1. They have no taste (to me at least).
  2. They get literally everywhere. Have you ever spilled sprinkles? It pretty much makes you want to give up on life.
  3. They have a unhealthily long shelf life (anywhere between 1-5 years, depending. That’s weird.)
  4. They add crunch to what should be a smooth, creamy dessert otherwise. Unless you’re into that sort of thing. I had braces for nine years, so crunchy is still a work-in-progress.
  5. Have you ever met someone who refused to eat anything but rainbow sprinkles? And then throws chocolate sprinkles everywhere when they aren’t multi-colored? That’s embarrassing. If you are in public when this happens, tip extra.
  6. After about two days the colors of rainbow sprinkles can actually discolor your frosting. It makes them look old and gross when they’re totally not. How sad is that?
  7. Who came up with the name anyway? I mean I get it, you’re doing the action of “sprinkling” them… I feel like this is a Jim Gaffigan joke waiting to happen.
  8. They never stick to what you’re making. Every time I pour sprinkles on anything other than ice cream, they just roll off and onto my counters and floor for my cats to bat under my fridge and then I whine.
  9. I’m probably the only person in the world who doesn’t like funfetti cake, because it reminds me of sprinkles and there’s really no difference in taste. It’s just more colorful.
  10. Sprinkles feel so feminine to me. I feel like any time I use them I should actually just be putting glitter on my cakes, and also be wearing a 50’s housewife outfit. I don’t think I can make that commitment, mostly because I don’t have the wardrobe or hairspray for it.

Want to weigh in? Why do you love or hate sprinkles?

About Rhi

2 thoughts on “10 Reasons I hate sprinkles.

  1. Thanks for posting this!

    I found this site because I googled “why I don’t like food sprinkles”. I agree with all of your thoughts, except for the taste. some sprinkles can actually have a nasty after taste that you get from food coloring (icky)!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *